Balancing Act: Navigating the Art of Living, Recovery, and Dealing with Life's Unexpected Curveballs

I don't know where to start. so I am heading to my 10 years anniversary of clean and sober straight edge living. 11 years and 1 month drug clean. I know not bad. Wow I just used my 1st AI title tool. I am a bit laid back and yeah slowly like a snail and a dreamer a shamanic one.

so ok yeah I am heading towards my recovery mile stone, I actually never received a cake in a meeting. ones because i was not often enough at the very same meeting or I didn't want to tell them because all sorts of people hug you and I really don't like that too much. I.g. in Berlin in the NA meetings at the closing prayer circle they stand there hugging in a circle and ones I just went there because it was convenient it was in my old hood 5 min walk from my house you feel me. and yeah had just fresh clothes on, you know when you which I usually do put on lets say just before heading out a fresh jumper, which was the case there and yeah well long story short I was like a pressed sausage in the closing prayer circle squeezed in and a guy taller then me well his arm pit reached exactly my shoulder and it was sweaty and a bit smelly. great thanks that was on my jumper on my shoulder and yeah ewe you can not even imagine the slightest the shower of disgust which overcame me.

ok let's try if AI finds a pic for me or a smiley which describes that.

Wow, amazing. thats exactly what I meant and that was me in this moment so after this stupid meeting I marched home.

I mean don't get me wrong. A meeting is a meeting and yeah keeps you kind of in your lane and sane sh.....

Most days I go to online meetings, because at the very same time I can draw or just chill, cook or be fully present. As I am in this massive city so recently I researched and checked for in person meetings and wanted to find myself new ones and went there straight away.

It is different and had a positive effect on me. I did not share and did not stay around. cause most of them where quite fresh and yeah there are often these perceptions and yeah hate especially when you've done your bits of work and still do.

the elephant is quickly in the room. so I kept it low profile. on my way home I felt good.

and yeah didn't need to share there. often depending the fellowship and as I mentioned NA I can not relate completely because I never was an heroin addict or smoking crack. Thank God.

Anyway it's possible to overcome it as I have seen many that did. congratulations on your hard work and courage to look inside and kick the demons out.

the last year was tough and reflective. in the middle of nowhere and getting straight within. like a never ending meditation without expecting to do so. so much BS. fighting smart and keeping a fucking low profile which is so lame was it always like that? I managed well so far and shut some twats up. Boundaries so crucial.

when I leave the house depending the time and yeah the vibes out there it's like wild wild west.

I just pretend and tell myself having major razors under my arm pits, head high and walk boldly.

dah it works, may god and my spirit guides protect me and my loved ones.

it's completely nuts here.

So yeah what I learned about myself the last few months is that I get it now why they say in "the rooms" this about certain mile stones like the 1st 2 years are the hardest, when you have 5 years your head get straighter "sh" and between 5 and 10 years is a process in itself. in my case the last 5 years a complete nightmare. I mean I have had some glorious moments. I was tested big time.

you get it more and more one gets more chilled, I am less judgmental I used to be I am able to let others be as they are. I mean I still have my moments, it's a process. In general I am more chilled out as I used to be. As long I clean my house side as they say in the rooms and do my daily food work in a spiritual sense. so yeah I still consider myself as a newcomer in a sense to stay humble and in the moment I am in.

I added a new spiritual form to my daily practice

Ho'oponopono by Dr. Len and Dr J Vitale

I am sorry please forgive me I love you I thank you

clean clean clean

it works. smooth in soft waves. shifting. lucid dreaming. I want to come home.

like home my sanctuary, my haven my garden Eden. you feel me?

I had enough. I can't wait to move house. I know again. this time for good.

we deserve it. it was tense. I am missing that feeling I had until 5 years ago. the simplicity of bliss in you home and garden and that view. and the hood was full of bliss.

Yeah it's time to settle babe. Honestly, you've come so far and made so many u turns.

Yeah my big girl pants suits me well.

where is my tribe?????????

Universe I am talking to you

I am ready and open to receive and yeah only good is coming my way now, amen to this.

take care greetings from the wild wild west. stay safe....

it will get better.

I love you.

peace of I

xxx tough cookie