Country Girl

We come across so many BS in this life and beauty and I am massively grateful nevertheless. When I look back at being for over 6 years in the UK, and reflecting on these very hard last 4 years fighting literally demons in human form from all sites alone as a single woman in her now 40ties. I don't wish this on anybody I had to go through and I met here and there some people where I heard their story and they fought alone. Sometimes I thought if this happens to me only because I am a foreigner and a woman---- it happens to others too. I would do it again and pack my bags and come to the UK. That is a great confirmation of myself. I want to make a statement here and be clear. Let's take a look at Sinead O'Connor. I saw today her last post on TikTok a few hours before she left for good. She mentioned being alone without help except her doctor and psychiatrist watch it here is the link

https://youtu.be/HCpYWQVw5jo I could feel her and her pain and I have to say this life journey especially with childhood abuse in the package ain't for pussies we say in Berlin Life isn't a pony farm. Damn right, it isn't? it requires genuine souls to give a hand, a shoulder to lean on and a voice whispering.

"Everything is going to be alright" (1) Bad Btch Energy - Shanin Blake (Official Lyric Video) - YouTube I faced so much abuse and others do too and we need to be strong. We can grow out of this BS fuckery as I do love to cook my own spaghetti plate and ain't need the abusers ones.

Since I went very abruptly to the West Midlands and staying there for a couple of weeks fully loaded with nature makes me feel afresh, letting go of PTSD triggers which with a few breaks of weeks and ones a few months in the last four years. It' s great and challenging. Because most of the time there are reception issues so no phone or internet available at all times. I feel now I am ready to attend a silent retreat in a Buddhist center but not quite yet. Perhaps next year. I am a city girl and need these vibes. One needs to heal too. I have found some great new musicians on TikTok who literally sing affirmations and about all this new reflective stuff which I have learned so far on my spiritual journey in and outside recovery. ### Shanin Blake #### Fav lines from my song bongrips at night ♡︎☺︎︎ #fyp - YouTube

Sometimes we have to take a big leap of faith and blindly trust the process and that everything works out perfectly alright and perhaps slightly different then one thought it would be and should be. Let go and let god. nature song - YouTube

Just listening to this tune (1) 4 Non Blondes - What's Up (Official Music Video) - YouTube I have no internet right now and will need to copy and paste a bit later when there might be a bit of a reception. Yeah we are survivors, no victims, survivors. May Sinead rest in peace and be fine and wrapped up warmly reunited with her beloved son. And may all of us free ourselves from abusive environments. Grow stronger, and overcome it all, and life beyond our largest imaginations prosperously, and abundant. (1) Butterflyz - YouTube Fuck them you feel me. No weapon formed against me that shall prosper and thanks to Maji who is regularly spilling the tea. I need mind boosters. God gives me grace and gives me the space I need to spread my large golden sparkling wings. To all my friends who left already over the rainbow bridge and ex lovers and the ones who were probably meant to be my lovers. I recently worked on a festival nearby in Ledbury that was another challenge to face. I managed to do it. Had no access to any recovery meetings, not even to phone meetings or my outreach calls with random people all over the world. I'm also grateful for having that experience in my pocket > living over a year near the sea. Unfortunately i did not make any friend there I met some good peeps so as everything got wrong and it got too unbearable and this constant entrapment without any great outcome on my behalf, toxicity dealing with a cocked up bastard who ok broke my heart he did not even know he is flying so high you feel me so high and the daily insults and the fuckery around it. ENOUGH ENOUGH ENOUGH IS ENOUGH I left silently WHEN I HAD THE CHANCE AND A LIFT:

What a relief this pain is over and I can move on to be who I am meant to be and grow and flourish and take on my next journey while doing my best at my current one. Living the simple life. In nature and getting ready Embracing it surrender surrender and radical acceptance. (1) Energy Vampires - YouTube So yes I have been very silent on my socials out here. Coming back. God hired me who is going to fire me. My birthday was one of the best. It was simple, I had no expectations. There was no gaslighting. I was surrounded by my love ones. I wasn't sad that even this time around there was not even one parcel for me. It was ok. It's my new journey to get rid of all the junk and I have now space for new peeps who are respecting, caring and acknowledging each other. Uplifting it is, I won't do anything less ever. I had internet for a few hours and binge watched late in the night this new netflix series 'Glamour' so inspiring. I am so tired, so tired of BS fuckery and restrictions and oppression. Piss off, I am serious. Just fuck the shut up for good. I am so in my power and I don't need to be depressed anymore and be willing to kill myself. Life is short anyhow. I am forgiving. I forgave my childhood abusers and the ones along my journey. It's for me not for them. It makes me free and let me move on. It's one of the hardest ones. The challenge of pure forgiveness.

The police is still calling me wants a statement on this fucker. I don't want to. I am moving on. They won't help me anyway. I did not call them in the first place nor did I contact social services.I am not the one to blame! and it was really triggering when they turned up and made the situation even worse so I made it happen with the help of God to leave . They shall do their bloody homework. They can access anything. Phones and so on. I even repeated it via email to make my point clear : I have luckily not been in a romantic relationship with this person. Never! one who is unstable, abusive, who doesn't want to look into himself and prefers to spend his money into hookers and gear. So what. Everyone makes their own choices. I mean there was one unpleasant situation in January he had a lover over same hair color same age and yeah heard them fucking . What the fuck. You know you don 't friendzone me like that. And by the way I don't shag arseholes anymore who think I am so happy being bread crumbled and love to shag a Viagra blown up penis and with cocaine in the system. I can do far better. And younger. Yeah. I can do much younger, fresh and crusty. I researched ok it was just you tube. So according to science more mature women and younger men match best. Libido wise. So I had a few crushes recently. Yeah cute cute dude.

Listening to (1) Alicia Keys - Fallin' (Official HD Video) - YouTube now and back on track with my script. Chapter 70 so far is so good. George, where are you? I miss you. I ain't waiting for you. New York is on my list and waiting. I am not going back, not to Berlin, not to Europe. I mean I would go visiting and sometimes I think I could go back to Vienna, it ain't the same anymore I have changed so much. Vienna is in my heart. George Town. Babe. (1) Alicia Keys - Troubles - YouTube I created new designs. I now have casual shoes in my shops. So great what we can do with creativity.

I am ready for the next steps and ventures. Amen (1) Alicia Keys - A Woman's Worth (Official HD Video) - YouTube